What the heart wants
by marieanne19
Summary: This is my first fan fiction, because we need more Blacklist-FF. When Lizzie got shot, she got life-changing news.. She's expecting and has to deal with the other men in her life, because all of them are very protective over her. Except the one she would prefer, but time will tell, right? Set after 2x08, could be ooc.
1. Chapter 1

„So, Mr. White. Here's your passport and your flight ticket. In the name of British Airways I wish you a nice flight back to London!" A happy looking police officer gave Tom Keen his belongings and spoke to the next one in the queue, all of them were about to enter the plane to London.

Tom went straight to a shop and bought him chocolate. After those 4 month on that ship, that was something he really missed. His mission was clearly over and Reddington will do everything to keep Lizzie save. Some weird thoughts in his head were saying, this is actually his job as her husband -not Reddingtion's. But he's not married to her anymore. Hell, he's not even divorced. Annulled would be a better word. But why does he care, this wasn't a love marriage from his side.

With that thought Tom entered the plane to London, and he had no intention to ever return to the United States of America.

„Keen?" Lizzie answered her phone with her normal work voice. She was not in the mood for a new name on the blacklist, but she really wanted to work. So this was better than nothing.

„Lizzie, good to hear you. How are you?" Reddingtion spoke calm and slowly.

„I think, I'm good. What's up? New name?" She failed to sound like the cool cop, she usually is.

„Actually yes. Brandon Cusack. He's a an arms dealer and should be in prison. I would've done it myself but he has family and I want that kids to remember him as the bad father in prison. The problem is not to find him but to prove he's dealing."

„Okay, got it. Bye", she said and hung up. Better he does not get suspicious. The last week since Tom's release she was truly feeling alone. Admitting that she's still in love with him was very hard, and to know he will never feel the same way and never had is breaking her. Reddington was a good friend, but she liked being married. It felt like years ago when she and Tom wanted to adopt a baby. Or better: when she - not Tom - wanted to.

„_Don't think of it. You will just cry again for hours. Do your job and forget the past."_

„Aram? Check out on Brandon Cusack. Reddington called, he's some sort of an arms dealer. A family man, maybe a weak point."

Aram nod. „No problem. Anything else?"

„That's all. Call me if you find something interesting." Lizzie left the blackside and headed straight to her car. Quickly she drove to her current motel. Just as she entered her room, the tears were starting to fall down her face. Somehow she cried herself to sleep, but immediately woke up when her phone rang.

„Keen?"

„Lizzie, I got something. Cusack is staying in D.C. this moment. Flowerhead-Motel. I called his wife, it's worth a visit."

„Thank you, Aram. I'll check it out."

Lizzie headed to the bathroom and washed her face. Her eyes were red, everyone could tell she just cried. After taking an aspirin against that headache she got, Lizzie left the apartment.

On the way she dialed Ressler's number.

„Agent Ressler here."

„Hey here's Lizzie. I'm on the way to the Flowerhead-Motel, can we meet there? We're searching Brandon Cusack, maybe he's in town to sell arms. Reddingtion implied something like that."

„Yes, of course. I'm there in 20 minutes. See ya!"

20 minutes later Ressler arrived at the motel. He saw Lizzie and went to herwith a worrying look in his face.

„You don't look good. Ever thought taking off for a few days? To sort some thinks out? I'm sorry, it's not my business. You know what you're doing."

„I'm ok. Stop worrying. Everything will work out. Just… give me some time. Sitting in my room doesn't make all things better." _But that was sweet, Don. Thank you for caring. You're doing a better job than Tom._

Donald tried to smile. He really wished it would all work out for her, but she should really take some time off. Both agents went to the reception.

„FBI agents Ressler and Keen, we're hear to talk to Brandon Cusack. Is he hear at the time?"

„I will call to him. Just a minute." The woman on the desk searched a number in the computer and dialed it immediately. „Mr. Cusack? Some FBI agents are here to talk to you. Can I give them your room number?… Thank you, Mr. Cusack." The woman hung up. „Room number 212."

„Thank you." Ressler gave her a last smile and the agents went quickly to room number 212.

„Mr. Cusack? FBI agents Ressler and Keen." The door went open.

„Hello, FBI? Where's the problem?"

„Can we come in?"

„Sure. Sorry, I'm messy without my wife. She is still in New York, I am here for work." Donald and Lizzie were observing the room. On the first side it looked normal. But Reddington is usually right, he knows for sure about the crimes committed by Cusack.

„No problem. We just have a few questi-" Cusack had two men coming from the bathroom pointing each a weapon at the agent's heads.

„When you're clever, you let us leave and everything will be fine. Nice to meet you, FBI."

Without another word Cusack left the room.

When the two men were also about to leave, Ressler gave them a strong hook to the chin and weapenend himself before the other man could turn around to him. But the man ran and shot behind, Ressler shot too, but it was too late. He wanted to ran after them, but then he realized blood on the floor. Lizzie laid down and held her arm. „I got shot. My arm.."

„Lizzie, hold out, ambulance is on its way!" Ressler tried to fix a bandage from the first aid kit around her arm. When the ambulance arrived Cusack and his men were nowhere to be seen- not that anyone ever believed in that. Ressler stayed with her until they'd arrived at the hospital.

„Ok, Miss Keen, the doctor will need to check your arm with the x-ray, but I would say nothing is broken. Get well!" Lizzie was a little bit dizzy from the painkillers, but tried to be as normal as she could.

„Donald, you should go home, it's late. Sleep, we need to arrest that bastard."

„No, I don't want to leave you alone."

„Please. I need some time for myself."

„Alright then. But promise me that you will if you need anything. Understood?"

Now Lizzie laughed a real laugh. „Of course, I promise. You're a good friend."

With a last smile, Donald left Lizzie's hospital room. When the doctor entered, he sat down right beside her bed. With a serious voice he began to speak: „Miss Keen, you may fool your colleagues and even yourself, but I'm the doctor. You should tell me that you're pregnant. Since 13 weeks."

Tears were coming in her eyes, but Lizzie tried to blink them away.  
„My husband, he's-"

„Agent, you do know you have options."

But than she really started crying. „Stop talking. My husband is not my husband anymore and I don't want options. Honestly, I don't know what I should do."

„Lizzie?" Raymond Reddington slowly came into the room.

„I'm pregnant, Red. And my arm should get an x-ray."

„Then doctor, do what you need to do for that x-ray. I keep her occupied." With an nod the doctor left the room.

„Lizzie", Red began. „I thought you knew it all the time but that you didn't want to talk to me." He placed the flowers on the little desk near the window.

„You were wrong." Red sat on her bed and hugged her. „I still love him. And I want that baby. But I want my Tom back. That one that never existed." Red stroke lightly her hair.

„When I got told my wife was expecting I was a good help. At least that's what I thought. But I can help you. That kid will have a great mother."

„Thank you."

„Now let's get your arm fixed."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N:Hello! Thank you for the reviews, I'm a bit embarrassed that I didn't know how to spell Ressler the way but now I know xD

So here comes chapter 2 !

* * *

After a couple of days Lizzie was ready to leave the hospital. Her arm was in a cast and was still aching. Red was really nice to her, but the truth was, for days she dreamed almost every night of Tom. Some dreams were heart melting, but some were realistic. He will never care for their child- and she will not seek him. She didn't need him. No- she didn't want to need him. _You need to get over him. He's not worth the pain. _

The memories of her own house were also too painful in her situation, so when she got back to that motel, she searched on the internet for a new apartment. Somehow Red did convince her to at least to look throw some and she warmed to the idea, because her jeans were already much too tight. That's when it hit her that she had not all the time in the world. Not anymore. Soon she would held her baby in her arms and it will certainly not want to be raised in a cheap motel. Okay, not too soon, but time can fly away. Just when she was all about to call an estate agent, her phone rang.

„Keen?" She answered.

„Hi Lizzie, I heard you got released. You didn't call, so I take it that everything's fine at the moment?" Donald Ressler's voice came to Lizzie's ears.

„Donald, hey. Yes, you're right, everything's… fine. My arm is broken. I don't know how long it will take to heal. It's complicated. The broken arm."

„I didn't want to disturb your time. But the offer still stands, even if it's just the need for a simple self-made pasta. That's what friends are for." Donald took a deep breath. „I'm sorry, Lizzie. I have to work. Get well!" _Sweet. He's such a dear. The world would be so much easier with more people like him._

Just in that moment, her doorbell rang. Slowly Lizzie opened the door. Red smiled brightly at her.

„Hello, thought you need company. Dembe is waiting in the car, he's so excited about the baby! So, what were you up to? I have no intention to destroy your plans." He let his head down and followed Lizzie into the kitchen. She turned around the laptop. _You always want to destroy my plans. _

„Here, have a look. These apartments seem fine to me. I was just about to call an estate agent, maybe I can take a look into it." Lizzie said.

Red scrolled throw the pictures of that house. „It has much room and is close to your work. But actually I have a good one in my mind, but you won't find it on the internet. Come with me now, I'll show you. It has a garden and it's totally worth a visit." He looked at her in a friendly way.

„Ok, why not."

* * *

They left the motel and Dembe drove them half throw the city. They turned into a little street and parked in front of an old little house. It didn't look big, but who knew what's on the inside. When Red saw Lizzie's skeptical facial expression, he began to laugh.

„Give it chance, this house just fits you perfectly. Wait and see!"

„I gave you already the chance, or else I wouldn't be here. Now show me the house. Who's is it?"

Lizzie and Red left the car and went towards the building. At the front door he gave Lizzie the key.

„You should open that door. This is the house where I grew up and I don't deserve it anymore. You can have it, I would be honored."

„Honored? Because I could possibly live in here? Alright, hand me the key." Lizzie opened the door and stepped in. The house was empty and dusty. On the floor is a nice sort of laminate.

With every room Red showed her, Lizzie liked that house more. It's kind of Red's history, when everything was safe and sound. And after all she'd been throw, she just wished a nice and safe childhood for her child.

„I kinda want to be a cool grandparent for him or her. Can you believe that?"

„That's sweet, Red. But no guns as presents, that would be appreciated.", Lizzie joked.

„We'll see." He smiled. „And? Will you take it?"

„Maybe. I mean, this is really a nice place, and it's good with the space and stuff. Alright I take it." Red gave her a hug. „This means a lot to me."

„I have some arrangements to make, I'm gonna check on you tomorrow." Red said while bringing her to her motel room. „Bye, Lizzie!"

„Bye! And again, thank you. For everything." She saw through the window that Red and Dembe drove away. Spontaneously she called Ressler.

„Liz, hey? What can I do for you?" She could hear Donald smiling.

„Just wondering what you've planned for the evening?"

„Planned for… so you like a dinner at my place? I can pick you up at seven."

„That sounds really good. I haven't had a self-cooked meal in quite a long time." _Since Tom. Since my ex-husband who never loved me. Don't cry, Liz- it's not worth._

„Alright then, any wishes?"

Lizzie felt the tears coming in her eyes. _Damn hormones. _

„Pasta? I love pasta." Her voice was weak, but she hoped, Donald wouldn't notice it.

„I'll see what I can do. Bye!"

„Bye." Quickly she hang up. And let the tears fall down her face. She went to her bed and laid down. Her good hand wandered to her small bump.

„What a mess, baby."

* * *

After a short time she stand up and washed the tears from her face. When she thought she was presentable enough for the life outside her room, she called a taxi and went to the mall. Lizzie found a nice casual dress for the evening, which wasn't too tight and a pair new jeans. Then she bought herself a smoothie at the fruit bar and sat down for a while. Being one armed and pregnant was definitely not that easy.

„Lizzie? Hi!" She heard a well-known female voice.

„Ellie? Hey, how are you!" She stood up and the friends hugged.

„Good! I haven't seen you in a while. how are you? What happened to your arm?" Ellie and Lizzie sat down.

„Got shot a couple of days ago. It's broken." Lizzie said casually.

„Oh crap- I'm sorry, Liz." Ellie looked shocked.

„No need to. It's my job. But I have some other news." Lizzie bit her lip.

„Are you dating again?" In Ellie's eyes you could see the curiosity.

„I… I'm pregnant."

„Pregnant? Congratulations!" Ellie squeezed her hand. When she saw that Lizzie didn't seem to be that excited, she got worried.

„Tom's the father? Oh dear. Does he know?"

Lizzie shook her head.

„I haven't seen him since I let him free. But he wouldn't care. He never loved me." The tears were falling again.

„Lizzie, I'm sorry. He's an ass. He doesn't deserve you nor the baby. When you need someone for the doctor appointments, I'm the first in line."

Lizzie dried her eyes. „Thank you. Actually I would really like it, I haven't had a real appointment so far."

„Call me, when you do."

They chatted a few more minutes, when Lizzie checked the time. 5.30 p.m. Now she had to hurry.

„Ellie, I'm sorry, but I have a dinner tonight. I need to get ready."

„Have fun tonight. See you!"

Lizzie head home and changed her clothes. Her hair needed to get done and the time was running faster. _This feels like getting ready for a date. _

When she was ready, she saw herself in the mirror. The dress hide her bump pretty well. _Oh no. Donald doesn't know about the baby- I should've told him sooner. But since it's not a real date but an evening with a friend, it shouldn't worry me. But why I do? But it doesn't matter, he needs to know. _

Now all she had to do was wait for Ressler.


	3. Chapter 3

When Lizzie heard a soft knocking on her door, she glanced a last time in the mirror and opened the door. Like expected, Donald Ressler was present to take her to his place.

„Hi, Lizzie. Are you ready? Shall I take something for you?" He said shyly. He wore a jeans and dark blue t-shirt, nothing fancy and nothing like I-have-a-date-tonight. _I could've worn a top and jeans-combination. _

„No, it's just my handbag. And yes, I'm practically starving. Let's go." She said.

They went to his car and he opened her the door.

„You should not expect to much, my pasta recipe is quite good because it's my grandma's, but I really don't cook like a hero." He grinned after a few minutes of silence in the vehicle.

„And you're telling me now?" She laughed.

„Yes, now it is too late for you to return since I am the driver. Please, don't jump outta the car, your arm is still hurt."

„I wouldn't think of it. I'd rather eat your meal than starve somewhere near a road." Lizzie grinned.

„Good point. So we're there." He parked in the front of an grand building with many apartments. They left the car and he showed her the way to his home.

„My place is in the seventh floor, normally there's an elevator, but it's currently not working. Actually it's been broken for weeks." He laughed ironically. „So let's take the stairs."

„Good, in the hospital all I could do was lying in bed and be bored. A few stairs will be good." Lizzie told him while climbing the steps.

„I hope so." Ressler unlocked the door. „Welcome, make yourself a home."

Lizzie entered and the first thing she noticed, her colleague owned a really cleaned-up-place. Hopefully he didn't see all the mess in her motel room.

„In the kitchen is the dinner table, this way please." Donald guided her into the kitchen. The dishes were already on the table.

„Sit down, in a few minutes the pasta should be warm." He heated the oven and saw Liz glancing to the big clock near the door and checking the time, because the clock was 15 minutes ahead.

„I have this fear of coming late to work and then get teased by my dear colleagues." He laughed.

„Don't look at me. And Cooper is very tolerant, I figured. For how long do you live hear? You never mentioned moving." Lizzie said.

„I'm living here for a month. That's why it's so awfully tidy, my mum helped me with putting everything in the right place, just a couple of days ago."

„She did a good job, I guess. And I think you have to cut my pasta first, I'm afraid I can't eat with both of my hands." Lizzie asked when she saw Donald bringing the pasta to her.

„That should be easy to do." He did what he'd been asked for and sat down. „Then bon appétit."

„When will you be back to work? It's quite silent without you and Reddington's blacklist. Did I tell you, there's still no leads in the Cusack case? I don't want to admit it but we need you and Reddington."

„So this is about you being bored and missing Reddington?" Lizzie smiled benignly. „ Doctor said in six weeks." _But then I am visibly carrying a baby. And this will be the end of career. _

„Just a little depressed. What's up? Enjoy your free time and use it to find a new home. I mean, I will help you with everything. I can certainly lend you my mom." Donald is back to his caring mode.

_You must tell him. Now._

„Actually, Reddington found me a new house and I think it's time to move on. But, Donald, I have news." She bit on her lip. _Why is it so hard? It's not even his child. _

„You're making me pretty worried. Are you and Reddington…"

„No - we're not!" Lizzie interrupted. „Hell no, he's just interfering in my life like always. No. But I'm pregnant." _I said it. _

Donald opened his mouth to say something, but no words were to be heard. But then he whispered: „Don't tell me on that ship you and him…"

„Tom and I never really had anger sex, so that was a pretty amazing experience. But it happened just a couple of times. I never imagined me to get pregnant. Hell, I never wanted to be." Tears were coming to her eyes.

„Oh no, Lizzie, I didn't mean to make you cry. I want to help" He gave her a tissue and she nodded thankfully.

„This meal is really delicious. I'm sorry, my emotions are transforming into a roller coaster."

„But now you have a good excuse now. But I don't know how I can help you, just give me an advice now and then. I can buy a crib and other stuff." Donald smiled encouraging.

„Thank you. I appreciate that you're a true friend. I don't have a lot of them."

„You're welcome."

When they finished eating, Donald put everything in the dishwasher. Then he joined Lizzie in the living room, where she sat on the couch and pointed at the tv.

„Do you own any good films?"

„Certainly. But I wouldn't be so sure if I have bad ones." He joked. „What about Star Wars? This is an all time favorite."

Liz nodded. „Alright then Star Wars it is."

After a couple of minutes watching the film, Liz was fast asleep. Donald tugged her in a soft blanket and let her sleep. When the film was over he didn't know if he should wake her up or let her sleep. He decided to let her sleep, she must be exhausted. He carried her to his own bed and before he left the door open when he was on his way back to the living room to sleep on the coach, he gave or a quick kiss on the cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hey people! If you have any ideas for this story feel free to suggest something!_**

**_xoxo_**

* * *

_Oh my. Do I smell coffee? The best smell to wake up. And that pillow is so damn soft. Damn soft? _

Immediately Lizzie woke up. She checked her clothes, still the same as the evening before. She stood up and went to the kitchen, following the amazing smell of fresh, brewed coffee.

„Good morning. I smell something really nice. Coffee?" Lizzie said.

„Yeah, good morning. Didn't thought you'd wake up this early. The mugs are placed in that cupboard." Donald wore a dark blue shirt and black boxershorts, but he looked awfully tired, Lizzie noticed. She searched for a mug and poured herself some coffee. She decided to stay silent for a while to give Donald some room and time to regenerate. After a couple of minutes, both drinking their coffee, Ressler said: „ I took the day off. Need help to move out of that motel?"

„Of course. But you .." Lizzie's phone rang. She didn't recognize the number but answered anyway.

„I'm sorry, Don. Keen?"  
„_Hi Lizzie, Reddington here. You're not at home."_

„You're completely right. What's that with the unknown number?"

_„__Accident, but don't worry. That guy won't be phoning anytime soon. In fact never I'd say. But I'm calling because I just met Brandon Cusack."_

_„__Cusack? Ok, I'll put you on speaker, Ressler's here."_

_„__Then hello, agent. Cusack's on a very secretive mission and I believe, he has an superior boss. I don't know who but I will soon. You need to look at his finances, maybe he received money."_

„Alright. Thank you. Anything else? Some leads perhaps?"

_„__His wife may know more than she has confessed. Take her down."_

„Will do. Bye."

„Bye, Lizzie."

Ressler sipped his coffee.  
„Lizzie. You're not coming to his wife. Let Samar do the work." He hesitated. „ I know that look. But this might be very dangerous. He already broke your arm."

„Don. It's my decision but you're right. With my arm I can't do anything. Though it doesn't hurt that much anymore."

„Good. Let's have breakfast and then go to the motel and put everything in a bag? Do you have anything important at your own place that we should take to your new one?"

„Maybe the couch? And the bed of course. But- we can't get everything done in a few hours. Remember I'm one-handed?"

„Right. Then you show me that house first?"

„After the breakfast? Yes. Good idea."

Donald stood up and reached out for the toast and cheese. „The only thing I have for breakfast. Do you need anything else, then we should probably go to the shop around the corner."

Lizzie shook her head. „No, that's totally fine."  
Donald toasted the toast and gave them each a plate and poured him another coffee.

„Just one coffee for you each day, so I've heard." He grinned. Don had googled it the first he'd waked up.

* * *

After the breakfast they drove to the motel. Lizzie wanted to change clothes and get a hot douche, while Don talked to Samar and Aram to fill they in about Red's information about Cusack and planned the next steps to get his wife to talk.

Just the moment when he hung up, Lizzie quit the bathroom and was ready for visiting her new house.

„I'm surprised how good a motel can be", Donald said while leaving the complex. „You never need to clean."

Lizzie laughed. „But it's a lot more expensive. And no kitchen."  
„Yes, what a shame. So now, I'm a bit nervous 'bout the house. Reddington was raised there? Seriously?" Donald opened Lizzie the car door.

„Thanks. And yes. But it's a normal house. You can relax."

„Ok, I'm glad."

They reached the street where the house layed. But everywhere were firemen and police officers, trying to find their way to an smoking building.

„No way." Lizzie got rid of her seatbelt and ran through the crowd. Red's old house was burning like hell. Donald came from behind and embraced her.

„I'm sorry, Lizzie." He whispered in her ear. Her body shook and he could feel her crying.

„Me too. It was a nice place."

„Sir? You need to get outta the way." A police officer was leading them away from the building to give more space for the firefighter. Ressler hold her still in his arm. She was glad he was there. Somehow she wasn't as strong as she was months ago. Then her phone rang. She slowly reached for it.

„Keen?" She said with her voice shaking.

„Oh Lizzie. You already heard?" Red seemed very worried. „ I cannot express how furious I am about that fire. And unfortunately that idiot Cusack called me to make us know, he was the responsible one for that happening."  
„Cusack? What did I do?"  
„Lizzie, I want you to know that this is a warning. Move for a few days to Ressler, he'll understand. I don't want you to relive a fire again."

„Ok."

She looked to Donald who heard every single word.

„Of course I will sure my place. Lizzie, let's track this dog down. I hate it when people I care about are getting hurt." Donald pushed her in the direction of his car. Very fast he drove back to his place and they put Lizzie's belongings in the apartment.

„Lizzie, I know you're off-duty, but come with me to the office. It's the safest place."  
„Let's go. Aram and Samar will need our help."

Donald left the building and was once again on the way to his car, when he noticed that Lizzie was not following him. He turned around and saw her hesitating.

„Lizzie?"

„Here's a post-it. On your door." She whispered. Donald turned around and jogged the way back to Lizzie. He saw the yellow post-it. He read: „Stop hunting me. You've been warned. C."

He took a deep breath. „He's threading us. It's like an invitation to give him the bullet."

„We need to stop him. He has obviously higher plans we've interrupted." Lizzie meant slowly.

„Then hurry. Samar texted, she took his wife under arrest." In under 10 minutes they reached the unit.


End file.
